week 32

Well, here we are at week 32. They say the baby is developed enough to be born safely by week 35 although most aren't born until week 40. My princess was born at 37 weeks. They say the second one generally comes faster/easier than the first... so... 3 weeks or more and baby will be here! I can't hardly wait! I've come down with an awful cold this weekend and haven't slept well for months!

How I met my Knight

So, after on bad relationship after another, I finally gave up looking. I told God I was just out to have fun if and He wanted me to meet somebody that He would have to make it happen. When Laura invited me to go skating again, I decided why not? I still had some friends that went and it would be fun to see them.

Earlier that day, I had been monkeying with my "day-by-day" calendar. You know how if you don't tear the page off just right it starts leaving that messy ridge of glue/paper... well, I decided I was going to clean my calendar with my exacto knife... my new, sharp exacto knife... while sitting at my computer... no cutting board... sharp things don't like me... they always find a way to draw blood.. The joke around my family is if you lost a needle in a haystack, just let me loose barefooted and I'd be sure to find it! So, sitting there in my favorite jeans I went to work at the calendar... and the blade slipped... right through my jeans leaving a nice deep gouge in my thigh...

I decided to grin and bear it and go skating that evening afterall. Still wearing my favorite jeans with the new hole in the thigh, I met Laura at the rink. After a skating a few songs I decided to sit and rest. Several others were sitting down, too... I think it was a couples song and none of us were coupled off... yet...

I hadn't talked to Laura much yet and hadn't told her about my leg, so as we sat with a couple friends and this handsome mystery man (my knight) I shared with them that I had gouged my leg, ruining my pants. My Knight asked, "why'd you do that?" Sarcasm and straight faced humor runs in my family, so without even thinking I said, completely deadpanned,"Because I like the feel of pain and the sight of blood."

You'd think that would have scared him away, but instead it intrigued him. The following week we had our first date! We drove for 4 hours to take my neice from her dad's house to my brother's place. I can't drive long distances alone as I get sleepy behind the wheel. My knight was willing to drive with us. After dropping of my neice, we talked the whole way back, sharing our histories... yes, pretty much every bit of it. Like I told God, I was done looking so if this guy was going to be the one, I didn't want him to come in and be broadsided by my baggage. One month later, I told him that I hope I wouldn't scare him away, but I loved him. Four months later my Knight gave me an engagement ring. Eight months later we were married (almost exactly 1 year from the day we met.

My knight in shining armor

My favorite movie of all time has got to be White Christmas. DH and I watched it the other night. I know its not always safe having the Knight up on that horse because he can fall off, but more than once I've thought how DH was my Knight. I think from this point on, I will refer to him as My Knight instead of DH(dear hubby)... Here's a synopsis of my life in the past 14 or so years that shows how My Knight rescued me from me and my path of destruction...

Growing up, living on a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere, I often felt alone and neglected... unloved even... because as a teen, I couldn't go places or do things other teens did. The cows came first for everybody whether we liked it or not.

I graduated high school and moved to the MSU campus. 20 minutes away lived close family friends that I hadn't gotten to know well yet (they grew up with my mom). Their son, Joe, was a couple years younger than me. From the moment I laid eyes on him I was smitten. He made me feel gorgeous all the time. Not having felt special to anybody before, I allowed too much to happen and my life revolved around him. Physical things meant love and security to me. And once I let things slide so far, I didn't know I was allowed to make it stop.

So, when the school year ended, I went home for the summer. My sister was getting married after spending a year at Bible College in Canada. Many of her friend (several who I had met and had crushes on) came to her wedding. In that one afternoon I decided I had to get away from Joe and MSU and go to that school in Canada. I needed to find a BETTER kind of love... one without so much guilt.

I didn't break up with Joe until later in the fall while I was in Canada. By that time I had met several local boys there who made me realize maybe I wasn't ready to settle for Joe. Then I met Died're (His full name was Deitrich). He was 10 years older than me and a deacon at this Full Gospel (pentacostal) church. This was everything I thought I needed. A Christian man. A leader. and then it started all over again. Abuse... verbal, emotional, sexual... I wasn't skinny enough for him (5'3" and 125 lbs)... He would try to force me to touch him and would "inspect" me... I always felt dirty around him... He told me it was God's will for us to be together and since he was an older, man of God, I believed him... We were engaged quickly and as soon as school finished I moved home to save money for us to get married and for me to move to Canada.

While working at the grocery store in TRF, I met Elvis, who I mentioned in an earlier post. In spite of his faults, he was a rock for me when I realized things with Died're weren't how they should be and I could do better. It was hard for me to break off that relationship... but it was wonderful to have a friend like Elvis to help me see that I was everything Died're didn't think I was and I had no reason to change.

My relationship with Elvis was rocky at best. We had lots of good times, but things weren't always that way. His family loyalty caused problems (not that I didn't want him to be with his family, but that his family tried to rule his life and he let them)... as did the drugs and alcohol. He gave me my first drink... and although I got lots of buzzes being around him from the pot smoke, he wouldn't allow me to try it because he didn't want me to get addicted. His jealousy was another problem. I realized that the night he had too much to drink and flipped out over a phone number on my list by the phone. He punched a hole in my wall! That was when I knew I had to get out.

I still loved him and wanted him to change... wanted to be there for him... but I knew I couldn't stay in the relationship as is. He didn't want me to leave him and as much as I asked him to stay away, he wouldn't. He sent me flowers at work and left me notes at home. I eventually got a restraining order on him. Then his mom started working where I worked (she was a janitor) and I felt she was keeping tabs on me for him. I couldn't take it any more and moved to Moorhead to live with my 2 brothers.

Throughout this time, I had stopped going to church because I knew I wasn't living right and hated who I had become. I felt judged and pitied by everybody there. But I was starting over. I started going to Bethel (the largest Evangelical Free Church in the area) as it was the same type church I grew up in. It was in the Singles Sunday School class that I met Nathan.

He was nice and funny and kind... but he had kidney problems for most of his life since an accident. I took care of him when he didn't feel well and helped him clean up when he had an accident (apparently connected to the kidney problems). He was really naive in many ways. Our relationship was never physical, which was refreshing to not have that pressure. He got me into roller skating which is where I saw My Knight for the first time (although i didn't meet him until a few years later). I don't remember exactly what happened, but something was definately not right. I remember breaking up with him. I remember him saying something about us women all being the same (don't remember what he meant by that) and I remember telling him that if we all broke up with him for the same reasons then maybe we weren't the ones with the problems but he was! I stopped attending church because that's where he was...

I don't remember how it happened, but I got reconnected with an old boyfriend Craig who had hated me for a while... we worked together TRF but he was married and was convinced I was evil or something. Anyway, we started talking and made up (he blames his wife at the time). Because of my desire to be loved and the feeling that physical love was better than no love, our relationship was faster than it should have been... especially since his divorce wasn't official yet. I won't get into the lies he told me to keep me coming back, they aren't important... but I eventually broke up with him also... like Elvis, he didn't want to let go... I just about got a restraining order on him, too, but he finally backed off.

Well, with one bad relationship after another, I went to chat rooms and tried everything to meet "the one". I even had some one-night-stands for which I'm not proud of. I was constantly trying to fill that void with things that would destroy me. Alcohol was a problem... and depression. I finally gave up trying to find a man which was the best thing I could ever do.

My friend, Laura, who I had met through Nathan, convinced me to go back roller skating with her. It had been a couple years and Nathan had apparently moved to California. So, I did. My first time back and I met My Knight.

to be continued...

Merry Christmas

Hello all and Merry Christmas! (Names have been changed to hide our true identity... my Dear Hubby didn't like I had used real names so He asked me to change things a little.)

Hope this year find you all doing well. It has been another crazy year for our family!

DD is almost 3 years old. What a drama queen! She loves to sing and dance. She is very much a princess. She can recite her alphabet and count to 20 without any help (most of the time). What a clown! When asked what she wants for Christmas this year she said, "Presents."

DH has been working for Sweeney Controls for 8 years now. They have gotten a contract that has caused Galen to do a lot more traveling this year than ever before. Since January, he has been to Plattsburgh NY twice, Burlington VT, Orlando FL, Fort Dodge IA, Norfolk NE, Toledo OH, White Plains NY, Lawrence NY, and Manchester NH in addition to the hundred or more cities in the tri-state area. This fall he was gone so long that DD and I FLEW to New York for a long weekend so we could spend a little time with him.

My year has felt like a single mother with DH gone so much. Without the support of my friends and family I don't know how I would have survived DD's terrible twos! In addition to raising her, We are expecting baby 2 in February. It has been an uneventful pregnancy for which I am so thankful. I worked part-time from home for a friend doing bookkeeping for most of the year. I really enjoyed the challenge and was sad when my services were no longer needed.

As a family, this has been a good year. We were able to take a long vacation to Colorado to visit DH's sister and her husband. We went on the annual Jensen family camping trip held at Lake Shetek State Park (MN). And we took a long weekend and went camping with friends in Two Harbors, MN. We even managed to find time to get our house painted... well, I did with the help of friends and family as DH spent most of this fall on the road.

Up in Warren, my Grandpa passed away in May. Grandma is doing well and still living in her apartment. I got to spend a couple days visiting with her a few weeks ago. My Mom and Dad are doing great! They spent a lot of time camping and fishing this summer, visiting several Minnesota State Parks. In Pelican Rapids, DH's Grandpa is doing well and he keeps hanging in there. DH's Mom and Dad are doing great too! They've spent a lot of time with Grandkids and have put the business up for sale as they prepare for retirement.

In the coming year, we look forward to the new arrival in our family and may start looking for a bigger house to accommodate our growing family!

Hope your year was as happy and blessed as ours!


PS: Just got back from my parents and celebrating my Grandma's 87th birthday. There were over 30 of us kids, grandkids and great grandkids there to celebrate. We also had our first of 4 Christmas's with my parents, sister's family and younger brother. Last night DD, DH and I opened presents at home. The coming weeks have us celebrating Christmas 2 more times, once with DH's family and once with the rest of my family.

Tantrums

OK... I've been dealing with DD's tantrum's for several months now and they aren't letting up... getting worse if anything.

MY question for all you out there in cyberspace... what do you do to control your child's tantrums. My attempts obviously aren't working. and it definately doesn't help that DH is out of town almost all the time! (At least once a day she says "Where's my daddy?" and when I say he is at work she says, "But I want him.")

It doesn't help that I'm hormonal and emotional, either...

babysitting

I watched my close friend's 1 year old for a few hours today as her daycare had a sick kid. what a change! First of all, it was a little boy (don't have much experience with little boys...) Secondly, for being just over a year old, he certainly wasn't little! DD weighs 26 pounds on a good day... I didn't ask how much Colton is up to, but I swear he has to be atleast 5-10 pounds heavier than she is... and completely solid! He was so much harder to hold and carry than Dinah!

I couldn't get him to take his afternoon nap as he was still unsure about where he was (never been to our house before). So, DD was my helper. she would get his bottle off the table in the kitchen, and his diaper bag. I had him on the living room floor changing his pants, and he was whining and cranky... poor kid! All of a sudden DD just started singing some nonsense song sweetly to him and he just laid there still as can be, watching her. It was so sweet!

I thing she will be a great big sister!

The door is closing

DH got a call yesterday from Staples. they finally started interviewing and one of the guys had all the licensing they wanted. They need to finish checking out the applicant before he is officially hired, so they probably won't even interview DH. I won't say the door is completely shut, but its getting there.

I'm saddened by this and yet relieved for some sort of closure. I really want DH in a more regular type job that will allow him to be home nights and weekends (compared to his schedule in recent months). But I'm also relieved I don't have to think about moving 2 hours away in the winter when I'm 7 months pregnant!

Keep praying for this, though. DH still has options locally that I think he is keeping from me so I don't over-pressure him too much. (His best friend asked me if DH heard anymore from one place the other night and I had no clue it was still an option!)