Monday, December 31, 2007

week 32



Well, here we are at week 32. They say the baby is developed enough to be born safely by week 35 although most aren't born until week 40. My princess was born at 37 weeks. They say the second one generally comes faster/easier than the first... so... 3 weeks or more and baby will be here! I can't hardly wait! I've come down with an awful cold this weekend and haven't slept well for months!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

How I met my Knight

So, after on bad relationship after another, I finally gave up looking. I told God I was just out to have fun if and He wanted me to meet somebody that He would have to make it happen. When Laura invited me to go skating again, I decided why not? I still had some friends that went and it would be fun to see them.

Earlier that day, I had been monkeying with my "day-by-day" calendar. You know how if you don't tear the page off just right it starts leaving that messy ridge of glue/paper... well, I decided I was going to clean my calendar with my exacto knife... my new, sharp exacto knife... while sitting at my computer... no cutting board... sharp things don't like me... they always find a way to draw blood.. The joke around my family is if you lost a needle in a haystack, just let me loose barefooted and I'd be sure to find it! So, sitting there in my favorite jeans I went to work at the calendar... and the blade slipped... right through my jeans leaving a nice deep gouge in my thigh...

I decided to grin and bear it and go skating that evening afterall. Still wearing my favorite jeans with the new hole in the thigh, I met Laura at the rink. After a skating a few songs I decided to sit and rest. Several others were sitting down, too... I think it was a couples song and none of us were coupled off... yet...

I hadn't talked to Laura much yet and hadn't told her about my leg, so as we sat with a couple friends and this handsome mystery man (my knight) I shared with them that I had gouged my leg, ruining my pants. My Knight asked, "why'd you do that?" Sarcasm and straight faced humor runs in my family, so without even thinking I said, completely deadpanned,"Because I like the feel of pain and the sight of blood."

You'd think that would have scared him away, but instead it intrigued him. The following week we had our first date! We drove for 4 hours to take my neice from her dad's house to my brother's place. I can't drive long distances alone as I get sleepy behind the wheel. My knight was willing to drive with us. After dropping of my neice, we talked the whole way back, sharing our histories... yes, pretty much every bit of it. Like I told God, I was done looking so if this guy was going to be the one, I didn't want him to come in and be broadsided by my baggage. One month later, I told him that I hope I wouldn't scare him away, but I loved him. Four months later my Knight gave me an engagement ring. Eight months later we were married (almost exactly 1 year from the day we met.

Friday, December 28, 2007

My knight in shining armor

My favorite movie of all time has got to be White Christmas. DH and I watched it the other night. I know its not always safe having the Knight up on that horse because he can fall off, but more than once I've thought how DH was my Knight. I think from this point on, I will refer to him as My Knight instead of DH(dear hubby)... Here's a synopsis of my life in the past 14 or so years that shows how My Knight rescued me from me and my path of destruction...

Growing up, living on a dairy farm in the middle of nowhere, I often felt alone and neglected... unloved even... because as a teen, I couldn't go places or do things other teens did. The cows came first for everybody whether we liked it or not.

I graduated high school and moved to the MSU campus. 20 minutes away lived close family friends that I hadn't gotten to know well yet (they grew up with my mom). Their son, Joe, was a couple years younger than me. From the moment I laid eyes on him I was smitten. He made me feel gorgeous all the time. Not having felt special to anybody before, I allowed too much to happen and my life revolved around him. Physical things meant love and security to me. And once I let things slide so far, I didn't know I was allowed to make it stop.

So, when the school year ended, I went home for the summer. My sister was getting married after spending a year at Bible College in Canada. Many of her friend (several who I had met and had crushes on) came to her wedding. In that one afternoon I decided I had to get away from Joe and MSU and go to that school in Canada. I needed to find a BETTER kind of love... one without so much guilt.

I didn't break up with Joe until later in the fall while I was in Canada. By that time I had met several local boys there who made me realize maybe I wasn't ready to settle for Joe. Then I met Died're (His full name was Deitrich). He was 10 years older than me and a deacon at this Full Gospel (pentacostal) church. This was everything I thought I needed. A Christian man. A leader. and then it started all over again. Abuse... verbal, emotional, sexual... I wasn't skinny enough for him (5'3" and 125 lbs)... He would try to force me to touch him and would "inspect" me... I always felt dirty around him... He told me it was God's will for us to be together and since he was an older, man of God, I believed him... We were engaged quickly and as soon as school finished I moved home to save money for us to get married and for me to move to Canada.

While working at the grocery store in TRF, I met Elvis, who I mentioned in an earlier post. In spite of his faults, he was a rock for me when I realized things with Died're weren't how they should be and I could do better. It was hard for me to break off that relationship... but it was wonderful to have a friend like Elvis to help me see that I was everything Died're didn't think I was and I had no reason to change.

My relationship with Elvis was rocky at best. We had lots of good times, but things weren't always that way. His family loyalty caused problems (not that I didn't want him to be with his family, but that his family tried to rule his life and he let them)... as did the drugs and alcohol. He gave me my first drink... and although I got lots of buzzes being around him from the pot smoke, he wouldn't allow me to try it because he didn't want me to get addicted. His jealousy was another problem. I realized that the night he had too much to drink and flipped out over a phone number on my list by the phone. He punched a hole in my wall! That was when I knew I had to get out.

I still loved him and wanted him to change... wanted to be there for him... but I knew I couldn't stay in the relationship as is. He didn't want me to leave him and as much as I asked him to stay away, he wouldn't. He sent me flowers at work and left me notes at home. I eventually got a restraining order on him. Then his mom started working where I worked (she was a janitor) and I felt she was keeping tabs on me for him. I couldn't take it any more and moved to Moorhead to live with my 2 brothers.

Throughout this time, I had stopped going to church because I knew I wasn't living right and hated who I had become. I felt judged and pitied by everybody there. But I was starting over. I started going to Bethel (the largest Evangelical Free Church in the area) as it was the same type church I grew up in. It was in the Singles Sunday School class that I met Nathan.

He was nice and funny and kind... but he had kidney problems for most of his life since an accident. I took care of him when he didn't feel well and helped him clean up when he had an accident (apparently connected to the kidney problems). He was really naive in many ways. Our relationship was never physical, which was refreshing to not have that pressure. He got me into roller skating which is where I saw My Knight for the first time (although i didn't meet him until a few years later). I don't remember exactly what happened, but something was definately not right. I remember breaking up with him. I remember him saying something about us women all being the same (don't remember what he meant by that) and I remember telling him that if we all broke up with him for the same reasons then maybe we weren't the ones with the problems but he was! I stopped attending church because that's where he was...

I don't remember how it happened, but I got reconnected with an old boyfriend Craig who had hated me for a while... we worked together TRF but he was married and was convinced I was evil or something. Anyway, we started talking and made up (he blames his wife at the time). Because of my desire to be loved and the feeling that physical love was better than no love, our relationship was faster than it should have been... especially since his divorce wasn't official yet. I won't get into the lies he told me to keep me coming back, they aren't important... but I eventually broke up with him also... like Elvis, he didn't want to let go... I just about got a restraining order on him, too, but he finally backed off.

Well, with one bad relationship after another, I went to chat rooms and tried everything to meet "the one". I even had some one-night-stands for which I'm not proud of. I was constantly trying to fill that void with things that would destroy me. Alcohol was a problem... and depression. I finally gave up trying to find a man which was the best thing I could ever do.

My friend, Laura, who I had met through Nathan, convinced me to go back roller skating with her. It had been a couple years and Nathan had apparently moved to California. So, I did. My first time back and I met My Knight.

to be continued...

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas

Hello all and Merry Christmas! (Names have been changed to hide our true identity... my Dear Hubby didn't like I had used real names so He asked me to change things a little.)

Hope this year find you all doing well. It has been another crazy year for our family!

DD is almost 3 years old. What a drama queen! She loves to sing and dance. She is very much a princess. She can recite her alphabet and count to 20 without any help (most of the time). What a clown! When asked what she wants for Christmas this year she said, "Presents."

DH has been working for Sweeney Controls for 8 years now. They have gotten a contract that has caused Galen to do a lot more traveling this year than ever before. Since January, he has been to Plattsburgh NY twice, Burlington VT, Orlando FL, Fort Dodge IA, Norfolk NE, Toledo OH, White Plains NY, Lawrence NY, and Manchester NH in addition to the hundred or more cities in the tri-state area. This fall he was gone so long that DD and I FLEW to New York for a long weekend so we could spend a little time with him.

My year has felt like a single mother with DH gone so much. Without the support of my friends and family I don't know how I would have survived DD's terrible twos! In addition to raising her, We are expecting baby 2 in February. It has been an uneventful pregnancy for which I am so thankful. I worked part-time from home for a friend doing bookkeeping for most of the year. I really enjoyed the challenge and was sad when my services were no longer needed.

As a family, this has been a good year. We were able to take a long vacation to Colorado to visit DH's sister and her husband. We went on the annual Jensen family camping trip held at Lake Shetek State Park (MN). And we took a long weekend and went camping with friends in Two Harbors, MN. We even managed to find time to get our house painted... well, I did with the help of friends and family as DH spent most of this fall on the road.

Up in Warren, my Grandpa passed away in May. Grandma is doing well and still living in her apartment. I got to spend a couple days visiting with her a few weeks ago. My Mom and Dad are doing great! They spent a lot of time camping and fishing this summer, visiting several Minnesota State Parks. In Pelican Rapids, DH's Grandpa is doing well and he keeps hanging in there. DH's Mom and Dad are doing great too! They've spent a lot of time with Grandkids and have put the business up for sale as they prepare for retirement.

In the coming year, we look forward to the new arrival in our family and may start looking for a bigger house to accommodate our growing family!

Hope your year was as happy and blessed as ours!


PS: Just got back from my parents and celebrating my Grandma's 87th birthday. There were over 30 of us kids, grandkids and great grandkids there to celebrate. We also had our first of 4 Christmas's with my parents, sister's family and younger brother. Last night DD, DH and I opened presents at home. The coming weeks have us celebrating Christmas 2 more times, once with DH's family and once with the rest of my family.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Tantrums

OK... I've been dealing with DD's tantrum's for several months now and they aren't letting up... getting worse if anything.

MY question for all you out there in cyberspace... what do you do to control your child's tantrums. My attempts obviously aren't working. and it definately doesn't help that DH is out of town almost all the time! (At least once a day she says "Where's my daddy?" and when I say he is at work she says, "But I want him.")

It doesn't help that I'm hormonal and emotional, either...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

babysitting

I watched my close friend's 1 year old for a few hours today as her daycare had a sick kid. what a change! First of all, it was a little boy (don't have much experience with little boys...) Secondly, for being just over a year old, he certainly wasn't little! DD weighs 26 pounds on a good day... I didn't ask how much Colton is up to, but I swear he has to be atleast 5-10 pounds heavier than she is... and completely solid! He was so much harder to hold and carry than Dinah!

I couldn't get him to take his afternoon nap as he was still unsure about where he was (never been to our house before). So, DD was my helper. she would get his bottle off the table in the kitchen, and his diaper bag. I had him on the living room floor changing his pants, and he was whining and cranky... poor kid! All of a sudden DD just started singing some nonsense song sweetly to him and he just laid there still as can be, watching her. It was so sweet!

I thing she will be a great big sister!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The door is closing

DH got a call yesterday from Staples. they finally started interviewing and one of the guys had all the licensing they wanted. They need to finish checking out the applicant before he is officially hired, so they probably won't even interview DH. I won't say the door is completely shut, but its getting there.

I'm saddened by this and yet relieved for some sort of closure. I really want DH in a more regular type job that will allow him to be home nights and weekends (compared to his schedule in recent months). But I'm also relieved I don't have to think about moving 2 hours away in the winter when I'm 7 months pregnant!

Keep praying for this, though. DH still has options locally that I think he is keeping from me so I don't over-pressure him too much. (His best friend asked me if DH heard anymore from one place the other night and I had no clue it was still an option!)

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Thursday, December 6, 2007

good news!

DH got a call from Staples yesterday! They are interested in setting up time for an interview (finally!)... and they are willing to consider a Saturday interview since DH's work schedule during the week is keeping him so busy! Pray that if this is God's will for us, that Saturday interview time will be fine. And, if he, I mean, WHEN he gets the job that baby will wait to arrive until after we move!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Kids say the funniest things!

DD and I were at my chiropractor appointment this morning. She was being a good girl while I was getting worked on. My Doc and her have a great relationship. He was visiting with her and asked her what she wanted for Christmas... She said, "I want presents."

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Devotional from Christian Women Online

I wanted to share with you a neat devotional/story I read this morning. It is so in-line with what I learned as a part of The Lord's Table at SettingCaptivesFree.com and so it has lots of meaning for me. Here's the link: http://www.christianwomenonline.net/live_well.html#DarleneDecember

And Here's the story:
Touch not; Taste not; Handle not
Darlene Schacht, December 2007

It is commonly said that diets don’t work. On their own, I’d have to agree, but when coupled with conviction, I tend to believe that we’d find a serious bend in that rule. Conviction is the very thing that fuels your plan of action, and makes it a lifestyle change.

Take two different children, with two different mothers, and stand them side-by-side in a china shop. One may be able to stand still without a problem for 5 minutes or more, while the other may need restraints before 30 seconds are up. Both have been given the same rules—"stand still and don’t touch." One has been trained to yield to the voice of reason. He understands the consequences of his actions and is led by conviction. If I do A—B will happen—and I don’t like B. The other does as he pleases, because either he isn’t trained to consider the result of his actions, or he isn’t convinced that B is such a bad thing. Unfortunately, many adults, like untrained children, still behave this way as they are led by their whim.

A man sitting face to face with a doctor who tells him, “change your diet or you won’t see retirement,” is suddenly able to make life changes he never could before. What if the same man was told that if he doesn’t change his eating habits, he might gain 30 pounds? Do you think the result would be worth the change? Perhaps, but in most cases it’s not, as society is aware of this very thing, but chooses to ignore it. Conviction is the key to sticking to the plan, and without it, the plan usually has a way of falling apart.

A couple of months ago, I picked my father up from the clinic where he had just undergone an eye operation. I met him by the nurse’s desk, then ushered him out to the car. After telling me about the nurses he met and all of the jokes that he told, he mentioned something that really stuck with me. He said that he had to close his eyes for ten minutes. It sounded easy enough to do, but apparently it wasn’t. Dad said that the fact that he couldn’t open his eyes was the very thing that made him want to open his eyes so badly. Of course he didn’t, since the nurse warned that the freezing wouldn’t be affective if he did. But what if he had nothing to lose? What if I asked you to close your eyes for the next ten minutes, regardless of what happens? The phone might ring, someone might come to the door, or you may get nervous about the noises around you. Try it—see if you last ten minutes. Most won't.

This is the same affect that diets have on us. The moment we say, “Do not eat” we want nothing more than to eat all we can. I laughed with a friend one day, who wrote something like this:

I started a diet today, and this is what I ate:

1 slice of whole-wheat toast with a half a banana for breakfast
A tossed salad for lunch with a diet cola on the side
1 skinless breast of chicken sprinkled with salt and pepper along with a cup of rice for dinner
Another cup of rice, another skinless chicken breast floating in bar-b-q sauce for dinner
An ice cream bar
A bag of chips
5 pieces of cheese with crackers
A chocolate bar

2 pieces of licorice
A glass of milk
And another ice cream bar...

You get the point? Somewhere around dinner time, she fell apart.

The more rules we impose on ourselves, the more we desperately want to break free of them. The moment we leave the door open to human error, we jump at the chance for freedom, and another iced cream sandwich or two.

The way to break free from this pattern of eating is to couple the rules of the diet with conviction. We need to train our souls to listen and yield to the voice of wisdom. My all time favorite Bible verse for dieting is 1 Corinthians 6:12:

“Just because something is technically legal doesn't mean that it's spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I'd be a slave to my whims.”

I don’t usually use the Message translation when quoting, but I loved the way it spelled out the point, “I’d be a slave to my whims.” For me all food is permissible, I consider the variety of wonderful food we have as a gift from our Lord, but with that said, I also believe that glorifying it to be something more than it is, is not profitable to my hips or my spirit.

Like a child in a china shop, my heart needs to be to be trained to listen to the voice of wisdom when it says “You’ve had enough;” to understand the depth of the consequences, and to know that doing what I want on a whim is not an option.

There’s nothing wrong with rules, in fact many rules are there to save our life, but telling someone to live according to them, and giving her a reason to live that way, are two entirely different things. One is preaching, the other is teaching. I’m not referring to the rules “Touch not; taste not; handle not;” of Colossians 2:21, which are based on commandments and doctrines of men. I’m talking about boundaries that keep us in good conscience with God as we yield to wisdom. “And herein do I exercise myself, to have always a conscience void of offence toward God, and toward men.” Acts 24:16.

It’s the yielding to understanding and wisdom that protects us from following the lust of the flesh. Believing that the consequence is not an option is the mindset that keeps us on the right track.

So how do we accomplish this? It’s a three-step program that I’ve mentioned before, and I’ll probably mention several times more—listen…gain wisdom…guide.

Disciplining our bodies, like disciplining our children, is about teaching one to live in accordance with boundaries. Look up discipline in the dictionary, and you’ll see several different ways of saying, “learning to stick to the rules.”

Dictionary.com defines it this way: “Training to act in accordance with rules.”

In 1 Corinthians 9:27, Paul writes, “But I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” NAS

That’s quite a contrast to those Paul mentioned earlier who are a slave to their “whim.” Discipline is key. Consider your lifestyle and ask yourself these questions:

  1. Are you a slave to your desires, or do you consider what is best and live accordingly?
  2. Have you set guidelines for yourself to follow?
  3. If you have set guidelines, have you given yourself good reason to stick to the plan?

If you have set guidelines for health and lifestyle, at some point you will feel the sting of your choice. Discipline isn’t fun, in fact Hebrews 12:11 tells us that it’s grievous, but it also promises that you will enjoy the peace it brings to your life—later on. Are you willing to wait, or will you bail the first chance that you get?

Let’s look deeper at the word “discipline” What is a disciple? It’s one who is a learner, a follower, a student; such as the Disciples of Christ. So in our case if our bodies are disciples, then what or who is the teacher? The answer is the Spirit, which we have received in Christ.

Remember Romans chapter 7? If you haven’t read it in a while, try getting into it today. As one who struggles with a lust for overindulging, I can relate to Paul when in verse 18 he writes, “I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.” Does that sound familiar, ladies? Whether we struggle with addiction to porn, alcoholism, smoking, or overeating, most of us will agree that the will to quit is there, but we don’t have the gumption to grab hold of, and stick to the plan, or to put it bluntly--to refrain from our sin. The reason that our bodies are so naughty at times is because of the carnal nature we’re born with. The heart, which consists of our lust and desires, is deceitful above all things, and it leads our body into all kinds of trouble--if we let it.

How often has the desire of your heart whispered a lie in your ear? Just one peek won’t hurt. Just one drink won’t affect you. Buy one last pack of smokes--you deserve it. Just one more night of overeating, and you’ll be back on track tomorrow... This carnal mind is not subject to the law of God; it lives to please the flesh and the flesh alone.

Paul says, “O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.” Romans 7:24 & 25

Paul shows us the difference there, and the choice we have to make. Are you choosing to serve God by walking according to the Spirit, or are you choosing to follow your heart?

This month, set aside some quiet time to write a letter to yourself. Let God in on this too. It may take one letter—it may take a few. Prayerfully consider the changes that you’d like to see in your life, and the reason you’d like to see change. This letter is for your eyes only, so feel free to hide it or tear it up later. The important exercise here is that you decide what is good and why it’s important to you, before you continue this journey.

I’ve met countless women who have stepped into a diet for the sole purpose of “getting healthy.” However, when they discover that the needle on the scale isn’t willing to budge, they quickly step back. If we desire to lose weight, we need to be honest with ourselves, and to realize that a desire to look good isn’t an unhealthy thought. It’s normal and one that God understands. Remember that He is the one who painted the butterflies, dotted the ladybugs and put lights in the back of little night flies. He’s the author of perfection and beauty, and He’s perfecting you too.

Whatever it is that you desire to change, consider it well, and realize your need. Enjoy a little soul searching, ladies; till next month, Live Well!