Its just after 11pm as I write this and my mind is spinning I can't sleep. Tonight when I talked to Galen on the phone, he had some more good and bad news for me.
Good news - He spoke with the guy in charge at Staples today and he still hasn't given any interviews and is still interested in DH. DH spoke with Gary (future co-worker WHEN he gets the job) yesterday about what needs to be done to get licensed for water treatment stuff, so the guy in charge knows how serious DH is about doing whatever necessary to get this position. So... as of today, DH is still in the running for the job.
Bad news - So, DH is stuck in New York until November 9th (DD and I will be there the 1st-5th)... He'll get home the afternoon/evening of the 9th... and it looks like as of the 12th he will be flown off to Phoenix for another job (supposedly only 4 more days) ARGH!!! In a 5 week period, DH will only be home for 6 days total!!!!!!!! DD is acting up so much lately and I just don't know what to do to control her mood swings!
Please keep praying! I know I am!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
Can't sleep
Its 4:30 in the morning. I am wide awake. I've been awake for an hour! I even took Tylonal PM last night to help me sleep. So much for drugs! DD has been so naughty the past couple days. I wonder if I'm failing as a parent. I wonder how much is being 2-1/2 and how much is because she misses her daddy. He has been gone almost 1-1/2 weeks... the longest period yet... and we don't go to New York until Thursday. (2 weeks since she saw him last). We'll be with him about 4 days and then come home and wait another 4 days for him to come home. I'm so lonely without him. I worry my depression is coming back. I know I'm not eating healthy or good and I'm scared all this combined with stress is going to hurt the baby. I have to reschedule my next doctor appointment. Its currently scheduled for the 5th, but I don't get back until 10pm that night. I wish I could sleep. I wish DD would listen to me better. I wish DH were home...
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Exciting and encouraging news
Two great pieces of news in the past couple days that I request your continued prayers for.
First, DH's trip has been extended an extra week, making this New York trip a 3 week one! That's not the good news... the good news is that his boss has decided instead of wasting the company's money to pay DH's hourly wage while flying home for a weekend, he is instead going to spend the company's money so DD and I can fly to New York for a long weekend! We are scheduled to fly out of Fargo on November 1st with a layover in Minneapolis and returning on a straight flight from New York to Fargo on November 5th! I'm a little nervous about flying alone with a 2-1/2 year old, especially trying to get from one gate to the other in Minneapolis.
The second piece of news is from a friend of mine who lives in Staples where DH has applied for a job. She called me the other day. One of DH's potential co-workers goes to her church. They (the others in her church) have been praying DH gets the job. Anyway, she was asking this guy, Gary, about the job. As of Sunday, nobody had been interviewed for the position yet. He also said they had only received 7 applications for the position... and in his opinion, only 3 were worth interviewing... DH being one of them! So, DH is still in the running for this job! Keep praying he gets it! :)
First, DH's trip has been extended an extra week, making this New York trip a 3 week one! That's not the good news... the good news is that his boss has decided instead of wasting the company's money to pay DH's hourly wage while flying home for a weekend, he is instead going to spend the company's money so DD and I can fly to New York for a long weekend! We are scheduled to fly out of Fargo on November 1st with a layover in Minneapolis and returning on a straight flight from New York to Fargo on November 5th! I'm a little nervous about flying alone with a 2-1/2 year old, especially trying to get from one gate to the other in Minneapolis.
The second piece of news is from a friend of mine who lives in Staples where DH has applied for a job. She called me the other day. One of DH's potential co-workers goes to her church. They (the others in her church) have been praying DH gets the job. Anyway, she was asking this guy, Gary, about the job. As of Sunday, nobody had been interviewed for the position yet. He also said they had only received 7 applications for the position... and in his opinion, only 3 were worth interviewing... DH being one of them! So, DH is still in the running for this job! Keep praying he gets it! :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Women of Faith 2007 St. Paul
We decided to forgo the expense of the pre-conference this year, so we arrived Friday evening for the conference. We forgot to make note of the address for the Xcel Center and ended up half an hour late. The theme was Amazing Freedom and I was so excited to hear what they had to say. We missed a couple of the ladies intros, but made it in time to hear Nichole Nordeman's concert. I love her stuff! Its so beautiful and moving. I really need to get some of her songs.
Patsy Clairmont shared her story and some of her book "Living Lively through the Valley". Having overcome sever agoraphobia, she had some awesome Freedom stories to share. I was so busy laughing, that I didn't get any notes taken!
Saturday morning began with an awesome sketch by Nicole Johnson about Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. She was in her waitress character leading a Bible study. It was so funny! Her point was that we have the opportunity for a dramatic encounter with God. Let's not miss our opportunity!
Sheila Walsh opened by singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". She has tied together stories from The Wizard of Oz with her own life in her new book "God has a Dream for your Life". She says that God has a dream for our lives but our dreams are often for the wrong things. There is a huge difference between the American dream and God's dream. We are in pursuit of a fatally flawed dream. Freedom is not the absence of bars but the presence of Christ. Jesus hasn't come to get us through our prison but to live in us through it!
After break, Anita Renfroe cracked us all up! She did a couple repeats from last year (like her ode to underwire to the tune of that Josh Grobin song - You raise me up...) And then she did that new song from her Momsense album about all the things a mom says to their kids in a 24 hour period to the the tune of the William Tell overture. She shared that God loves to hear us laugh. And she showed us a picture that reminds her of our freedom in Christ: Its a picture of John F. Kennedy in the Oval office with his son, John JOhn, playing with toys under his desk. She says with God, we have the freedom to never be afraid of playing in our Daddy's office.
Man, I love Thelma Wells! She is an awesome woman of God who has been through so much! She shared Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." And how God got her through her time in the closet (due to child abuse) by singing every hymn she could remember. She said she always left the closet with peace instead of anger after finding freedom in those hymns. To find true freedom she said we need to feed on the Word of God and Wait on Him. (Some scriptures she referenced were Psalm 100:1, Psalm 119:105 and Psalm 27). She reminded us that Jesus is a friend better than any other and He will be there when nobody else would. After sharing about a time of trials and disappointments, she said that you can beat yourself up for 15 minutes but then you need to let go and let God help you move on. She also reminded us that we need to study the word and Cherish our friendships. How can we expect to find healing when we hold grudges...
Nicole Johnson came back after the next break with a sketch about a girl who is a "cutter". What a powerful sketch! Sometimes I forgot there was only one person on stage as Nicole's voice changed to a more childlike tone when she pretended to be that girl.
Sandy Patty gave a concert next. Her vocal range is amazing. She shared a story of her dad when she was a child. Her dad let her and her brothers climb on the roof of their house and he would have them jump down to him. When it was Sandi's turn she was scared and he said to her, You are going to fall anyways, but if you fall backwards, I can't help you... if you fall forwards I can catch you. The same is true of our Heavenly Father. Due to our sinful nature, we are bound to fall no matter what we do, but if we fall away from Him, he can't help us. We need to Fall in to Abba Father's arms!
The show was paused for a few announcements... A woman shared with Mary Graham (the MC) that their pastor had just died that day! Not that the death itself isn't sad enough, but the saddest part is he was only 35 and left behind a wife and 3 kids (ages 5, 3 and 1)! It was so powerful to be in this stadium full of thousands of women all praying together for this man's wife and children as well as his church. No cause of death was shared. Not that the cause of death was important, but sometimes is easier to handle if you new this was expected (like cancer) or unexpected (like a car accident) especially since he was so young...
After the final break, Marilyn Meberg shared her story. She shared the lack of closure she felt at her husbands death from cancer and how she found a type of closure. and then she shared about her baby daughter (Joanie) who died 41 years ago and the lack of closure she has because she couldn't get her self to go to the hospital to say goodbye. She said we need to fully embrace every experience... we can't fully experience God without fully experiencing life... the good, the bad and the ugly. She said God is greater than our feelings and shared from Colossians 1:13-14, 1 John 1:9 and Colossians 2:13.
Nicole Johnson did a final sketch about Betrayal... Judas and his kiss.
And then Lucy Swindoll spoke. She shared something Dr Henry Cloud said at the pre-conference. He said, If you have seen the realization of a dream in the visible world you can be sure it started elsewhere. Nothing that happens in our lives is because of anything we do... its what God does though the things in our lives. She shared Galatians 5:13-16. Then she told the story of working for 18 years at a job she hated before the job she loved was offered to her. The change didn't happen because of anything she did. She finally gave it to God and asked Him to take care of it or take her home. When she finally let go, God took over. Her advice to us was to show up, shut up and let go!
Well, through this all I learned a couple things for myself. First of all, I realized I have a couple past relationships (primarily with ex-boyfriends) that I never had closure on. I think thats part of why those relationship still cause problems with my marriage. I don't know how to go about getting yet, but I need to find closure. Secondly, I learned there is nothing I can do to get the things I want in my life if they aren't the things God wants for my life. I need to ask my self am I seeking the American dream or God's dream for me and my family? I want a bigger house with this baby coming and I want DH to get a different job, but is that what God wants for us? I know I have to be content in all things... so I need to find a way to make this 616 square foot space work for a family of 4 until God choses to show us something else... and I need to trust that DH's job is the one he is doing right now until the right doors open. His boss isn't Christian or very respectful of anybody but himself, but maybe DH isn't supposed to leave until he has shown his boss who Christ really is? I don't know. Only God does and I'm choosing to trust Him.
Patsy Clairmont shared her story and some of her book "Living Lively through the Valley". Having overcome sever agoraphobia, she had some awesome Freedom stories to share. I was so busy laughing, that I didn't get any notes taken!
Saturday morning began with an awesome sketch by Nicole Johnson about Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. She was in her waitress character leading a Bible study. It was so funny! Her point was that we have the opportunity for a dramatic encounter with God. Let's not miss our opportunity!
Sheila Walsh opened by singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". She has tied together stories from The Wizard of Oz with her own life in her new book "God has a Dream for your Life". She says that God has a dream for our lives but our dreams are often for the wrong things. There is a huge difference between the American dream and God's dream. We are in pursuit of a fatally flawed dream. Freedom is not the absence of bars but the presence of Christ. Jesus hasn't come to get us through our prison but to live in us through it!
After break, Anita Renfroe cracked us all up! She did a couple repeats from last year (like her ode to underwire to the tune of that Josh Grobin song - You raise me up...) And then she did that new song from her Momsense album about all the things a mom says to their kids in a 24 hour period to the the tune of the William Tell overture. She shared that God loves to hear us laugh. And she showed us a picture that reminds her of our freedom in Christ: Its a picture of John F. Kennedy in the Oval office with his son, John JOhn, playing with toys under his desk. She says with God, we have the freedom to never be afraid of playing in our Daddy's office.
Man, I love Thelma Wells! She is an awesome woman of God who has been through so much! She shared Zephaniah 3:17 "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." And how God got her through her time in the closet (due to child abuse) by singing every hymn she could remember. She said she always left the closet with peace instead of anger after finding freedom in those hymns. To find true freedom she said we need to feed on the Word of God and Wait on Him. (Some scriptures she referenced were Psalm 100:1, Psalm 119:105 and Psalm 27). She reminded us that Jesus is a friend better than any other and He will be there when nobody else would. After sharing about a time of trials and disappointments, she said that you can beat yourself up for 15 minutes but then you need to let go and let God help you move on. She also reminded us that we need to study the word and Cherish our friendships. How can we expect to find healing when we hold grudges...
Nicole Johnson came back after the next break with a sketch about a girl who is a "cutter". What a powerful sketch! Sometimes I forgot there was only one person on stage as Nicole's voice changed to a more childlike tone when she pretended to be that girl.
Sandy Patty gave a concert next. Her vocal range is amazing. She shared a story of her dad when she was a child. Her dad let her and her brothers climb on the roof of their house and he would have them jump down to him. When it was Sandi's turn she was scared and he said to her, You are going to fall anyways, but if you fall backwards, I can't help you... if you fall forwards I can catch you. The same is true of our Heavenly Father. Due to our sinful nature, we are bound to fall no matter what we do, but if we fall away from Him, he can't help us. We need to Fall in to Abba Father's arms!
The show was paused for a few announcements... A woman shared with Mary Graham (the MC) that their pastor had just died that day! Not that the death itself isn't sad enough, but the saddest part is he was only 35 and left behind a wife and 3 kids (ages 5, 3 and 1)! It was so powerful to be in this stadium full of thousands of women all praying together for this man's wife and children as well as his church. No cause of death was shared. Not that the cause of death was important, but sometimes is easier to handle if you new this was expected (like cancer) or unexpected (like a car accident) especially since he was so young...
After the final break, Marilyn Meberg shared her story. She shared the lack of closure she felt at her husbands death from cancer and how she found a type of closure. and then she shared about her baby daughter (Joanie) who died 41 years ago and the lack of closure she has because she couldn't get her self to go to the hospital to say goodbye. She said we need to fully embrace every experience... we can't fully experience God without fully experiencing life... the good, the bad and the ugly. She said God is greater than our feelings and shared from Colossians 1:13-14, 1 John 1:9 and Colossians 2:13.
Nicole Johnson did a final sketch about Betrayal... Judas and his kiss.
And then Lucy Swindoll spoke. She shared something Dr Henry Cloud said at the pre-conference. He said, If you have seen the realization of a dream in the visible world you can be sure it started elsewhere. Nothing that happens in our lives is because of anything we do... its what God does though the things in our lives. She shared Galatians 5:13-16. Then she told the story of working for 18 years at a job she hated before the job she loved was offered to her. The change didn't happen because of anything she did. She finally gave it to God and asked Him to take care of it or take her home. When she finally let go, God took over. Her advice to us was to show up, shut up and let go!
Well, through this all I learned a couple things for myself. First of all, I realized I have a couple past relationships (primarily with ex-boyfriends) that I never had closure on. I think thats part of why those relationship still cause problems with my marriage. I don't know how to go about getting yet, but I need to find closure. Secondly, I learned there is nothing I can do to get the things I want in my life if they aren't the things God wants for my life. I need to ask my self am I seeking the American dream or God's dream for me and my family? I want a bigger house with this baby coming and I want DH to get a different job, but is that what God wants for us? I know I have to be content in all things... so I need to find a way to make this 616 square foot space work for a family of 4 until God choses to show us something else... and I need to trust that DH's job is the one he is doing right now until the right doors open. His boss isn't Christian or very respectful of anybody but himself, but maybe DH isn't supposed to leave until he has shown his boss who Christ really is? I don't know. Only God does and I'm choosing to trust Him.
Monday, October 22, 2007
God is amazing!
Just a praise report from my mom about my cousin's baby Tucker:
Tucker was doing so good today after nearly leaving us over the weekend that the Dr's called and told Cindy and Billy that they are to come to the hospital on Thursday night and spend the night with Tucker and take him home on Friday. He wasn't due to be born until the 24th of November. We forget how powerful prayer and God can be. This is one little miracle.
Tucker was doing so good today after nearly leaving us over the weekend that the Dr's called and told Cindy and Billy that they are to come to the hospital on Thursday night and spend the night with Tucker and take him home on Friday. He wasn't due to be born until the 24th of November. We forget how powerful prayer and God can be. This is one little miracle.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Very sad this morning
Well, I went to the Women of Faith conference in St. Paul over the weekend. It was truly awesome and I'll share more about it later.
I got up this morning to check my email and ask my boss to send me the amounts she spent over the weekend so I can make sure she had money in the account. What I found floored me! It was a long email from my boss taking away every responsibility I had and giving me some menial task if I wanted instead... saying she would accept my resignation if that is what I chose! This from a professing "Christian" woman who claims to listen strongly to God's voice. Not saying I was perfect at my job, but she gave me the responsibility of paying her bills and making sure there was money in the account (she is an impulse/emotional shopper). She wanted to be able to call me before spending money to verify the money was there. She kept telling me how thankful she was for the boundaries we set together. She has always bucked my suggestions and I guess finally got tired of me trying to save her money and keep her out of debt. She wanted to be able to spend when and how she wants. I fear for her and her family as well as her business. If they keep on the path they are on I see bankruptcy looming on the horizon.
Well, I lost my job (not that it paid much) and who knows if I lost a friend through this mess...
I got up this morning to check my email and ask my boss to send me the amounts she spent over the weekend so I can make sure she had money in the account. What I found floored me! It was a long email from my boss taking away every responsibility I had and giving me some menial task if I wanted instead... saying she would accept my resignation if that is what I chose! This from a professing "Christian" woman who claims to listen strongly to God's voice. Not saying I was perfect at my job, but she gave me the responsibility of paying her bills and making sure there was money in the account (she is an impulse/emotional shopper). She wanted to be able to call me before spending money to verify the money was there. She kept telling me how thankful she was for the boundaries we set together. She has always bucked my suggestions and I guess finally got tired of me trying to save her money and keep her out of debt. She wanted to be able to spend when and how she wants. I fear for her and her family as well as her business. If they keep on the path they are on I see bankruptcy looming on the horizon.
Well, I lost my job (not that it paid much) and who knows if I lost a friend through this mess...
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Frustrated, please pray
Well, no news is supposedly good news, but I'm getting frustrated waiting to see if DH even gets an interview for this job in Staples. I'm afraid for him as he has some rejection issues. I'm concerned that if he doesn't get this one that he may give up completely and continue to work at this horrible place he is at now. Pray for this. As a family, it would be super wonderful for him to get out of his current place of employment... and for his own health as well (the stress is causing sleep issues for him). He leaves for New York tomorrow and won't be home until November 2nd.
Please pray for my cousin Cindy, her hubby Billy and their baby Tucker. Cindy was allergic to being pregnant. Her water broke several months early and Tucker was born by emergency c-section on September 14th. He seemed to be doing pretty well, considering, and was taken out of NICU and being fed by bottle. Cindy was feeling better from the moment Tucker was born. My mom informed me this morning that Tucker, however, has taken a turn for the worse. He had a blood transfusion earlier this week and isn't improving much. Nobody is out of the woods yet. Please pray for this family. They are high school sweethearts who have been married almost 2 years and have gone through so much so far.
Please pray for my cousin Cindy, her hubby Billy and their baby Tucker. Cindy was allergic to being pregnant. Her water broke several months early and Tucker was born by emergency c-section on September 14th. He seemed to be doing pretty well, considering, and was taken out of NICU and being fed by bottle. Cindy was feeling better from the moment Tucker was born. My mom informed me this morning that Tucker, however, has taken a turn for the worse. He had a blood transfusion earlier this week and isn't improving much. Nobody is out of the woods yet. Please pray for this family. They are high school sweethearts who have been married almost 2 years and have gone through so much so far.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Pray for us
OK. The Staples, MN job my hubby applied for closes today. They should have gotten his application yesterday. Interviews will probably be next week. I want this job for him (and the family) so bad that I can just about imagine myself in that little community, getting involved and being relaxed and happy. Imagine... living in a town with no known registered sex offenders! Ok, there isn't even a Walmart, but its only a matter of time before they take over the world...
My prayer is also that if, for some silly reason, they don't see my husbands worth as an asset to their company and decide not to hire them, that I will be content with my home and his job (no matter how terrible) and I will support and encourage him to keep applying. He admitted to me the other night that he was kind of scared to apply as he was rejected from the last job he applied for and he has been at this company for almost 8 years! Rejection issues suck!
My prayer is also that if, for some silly reason, they don't see my husbands worth as an asset to their company and decide not to hire them, that I will be content with my home and his job (no matter how terrible) and I will support and encourage him to keep applying. He admitted to me the other night that he was kind of scared to apply as he was rejected from the last job he applied for and he has been at this company for almost 8 years! Rejection issues suck!
Monday, October 8, 2007
Baby Pics!
I had my ultrasound today! Little bugger was too active, they weren't able to get good pictures of the heart and spine, so I may have to have another one in 6 weeks. Baby ways 14 oz right now by their guess, and by the ultrasound figures they think the due date is February 20th instead of the 23rd, but who cares about a couple days difference... The first set of pictures shows baby's face from the front and the second is a foot from the bottom... The second set of pictures show two slightly different profile shots ... baby has one hand raised slightly above its head and the other hand is close to its mouth. We decided not to find out the gender yet... maybe we'll change our mind by the next one. The stinker is breech right now... We still have 4 months for it to flip, but I may do another c-section instead of VBAC... haven't decided. DD was born 3 weeks early and was breech, so I had a c-section with her.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Married Life
Being married can be so hard. Even after 5-1/2 years, you would think things would be getting easier, but I'm still learning who my hubby is and what he needs. If you've ever read "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, one of my primary languages is quality time and DH's is Physical touch. Because of past abuses by other boyfriends in my life, I have a difficult time with the whole physical touch thing. And DH doesn't enjoy doing most of the things that I want to do which would qualify as quality time in my book. We are both hurting because needs aren't being met. How long does it take to change the mind, body and soul's reaction to physical touch when the one touching is touching out of love and desire and not some type of abuse? How can somebody change the way they think about what qualifies as quality time in one persons book and enduring that out of love instead of resenting that loss of personal free time (ei: he hates movies and would rather be doing something alone than sit through a movie with me).
Friday, October 5, 2007
Praise God!
I am feeling so much less stressed today! Although there is no news on the job front or baby front, there is good news for the house! DH's mom came to town yesterday and we painted the main color on 2 sides of the house as well as primed 3 sides where they needed it. Then, my boss (from my part-time job) is paying a staffer to come over and help some, and he got some of the trim painted with 2 coats as well as hung some storm windows. The progress is making me less stressed about the house, but I'm still annoyed at the weather! Its going to be raining for the next several days, so who knows how much we'll get done! Pray Thursday is nice weather so Howard can come back and help some more! :)
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
At my end
I'm so tired... physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually... I cried out to God today. Literally bawling in prayer. DH's boss is sending him out of town for work again... a lot in the next 3 weeks... which means we can't possibly get the house painted by ourselves before it snows. I'm saddened that we haven't had people from church respond to our requests for help... I guess they don't think we are desperate enough or something... their own lives/schedules to important to help a family in need...
I'm getting depressed... this can't be good for baby... I know its not good for me. Sleeping is hard enough for me being pregnant as it is... but now DH wakes up several times a night "fixing" things or "looking for scorpions/spiders" that he saw in his dreams. He is so stressed and short of sleep that he has been sleep "walking/working" more and more frequently which disturbs my sleep.
He is applying for a job in Staples, MN... I am praying no matter what they offer that he will accept the position. I'm tired of him being out of town so much and leaving me home with DD... I am dreading what will become of me and my sanity if he doesn't get a different job before baby is born. I had postpartum with DD... I can't imagine taking care of 2 children if the postpartum affects me with this one too ...
I'm getting depressed... this can't be good for baby... I know its not good for me. Sleeping is hard enough for me being pregnant as it is... but now DH wakes up several times a night "fixing" things or "looking for scorpions/spiders" that he saw in his dreams. He is so stressed and short of sleep that he has been sleep "walking/working" more and more frequently which disturbs my sleep.
He is applying for a job in Staples, MN... I am praying no matter what they offer that he will accept the position. I'm tired of him being out of town so much and leaving me home with DD... I am dreading what will become of me and my sanity if he doesn't get a different job before baby is born. I had postpartum with DD... I can't imagine taking care of 2 children if the postpartum affects me with this one too ...
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