Made to Crave - Chapter 12: The Curse of the Skinny Jeans ~

I'm sharing the high points that I found in each chapter and then I answer the questions at the end of each chapter with my honest feelings. I'm reading the book on my Kindle, so I don't have page numbers for any of the thoughts I have taken from the book. This has been a journey that has spanned at least a decade for me. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm farther along than I used to be. Walk with me and feel free to share your thoughts. Be kind. Be blessed.

·        This is the curse of the skinny jeans. My body size is not tied to my happy. If my happy was missing when I was larger, it will still be missing when I get smaller.

·        Tying my happy to the wrong things is partially what caused my weight gain in the first place. There were too many experiences I enjoyed primarily because of the food that was attached to them. The movies were tied to popcorn. A birthday party was tied to cake. A ballgame was tied to a hotdog.

·        Tying my happy to food, skinny jeans, or anything else sets me up for failure. Not to mention that once I slip on those skinny jeans, my elation is quickly marred by the fear of gaining back the weight.

·        I have to learn to attach my happy to the only eternal stability there is and remain there.

·        It’s called learning to remain. Isaiah 55:8-12 illustrates so beautifully exactly what I’m talking about: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my youth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.”

·        That’s why Jesus’ words in John 15 are so crucial for us to apply if we’re ever going to have lasting joy… whether or not we are wearing our skinny jeans. Here’s how Jesus describes it: As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. (John 15:9-12)

·        We are taught to remain in God’s love so that we won’t tie our happy to anything but God. So that our joy will be complete. Complete. As in not lacking anything. Complete. As in satisfied with a fullness we can’t get any other way. Can you imagine how beautiful it would be to live as a complete person? Incomplete people are difficult, demanding, and always in pursuit of that next thing that will surely fill them.

·        The bad news is we’re all incomplete people. The good news is Jesus loves incomplete people. And He wants us to know we can have complete joy by being secure enough in His love to reach out and love other people.

·        Each day I’ve been asking Jesus who in my life needs words of encouragement and He always puts someone on my heart. So, instead of filling my afternoons with thoughts of frustration toward others or tempting thoughts about food, I am filling my afternoons with His thoughts of love toward others.

·        Remember the ultimate goal of this journey isn’t about making me a smaller sized person but rather making me crave Jesus and His truths as the ultimate filler of my heart. We are to remain in this healthy perspective. Let His thoughts be our thoughts. Remain.

Personal Reflections

1.      What fantasies do you have about what life would be like if you were at your ideal weight? keeping up with my kids would be easier. my desire for intimacy with my husband would be higher. I would feel better about myself. Do you imagine everything in your life would somehow be better – your relationships would improve, your confidence would soar, your problems would fall away, you’d be respected, admired, obeyed? yes, i imagine it... not sure that getting skinny would actually change anything if I can't change how my brain works. Why do you think your weight has so much power to influence your outlook on life? being heavy makes my body hurt and makes me sluggish. When I hurt and get lazy I get down on my self. I can't be who I think I need to be by laying around on the couch. I need to move!

2.      Movies and popcorn, parties and cake, ballgames and hotdogs, meetings and coffee, TV and chips. What activities do you enjoy in part or primarily because of the food attached to them? Potlucks at church Which activities might lose all attraction for you if food weren’t part of the experience? some of the church activities would be harder for me at this point if food wasn't a part of it. Food takes the pressure off conversation. I struggle to find anything to say that anybody would want to hear.

3.      “We are taught to remain in God’s love so that we won’t tie our happy to anything but God”. To what other things besides God have you tried to tie your happy? To my husband or other relationships What was the result? When those relationships don't work out the way I hope, I become depressed and comfort myself with food.  Do you think it’s possible for you to feel full of joy even if you’re not where you want to be with your weight? yes, i do now! Why or why not? God has done something in me this past 3 months. I'm not sure what or how, but normally every fall/winter I get S.A.D. and struggle with depression. The winter started out hard with circumstances causing me pain. But then like flipping a switch, all of a sudden things are better! I may get sad for an hour or two, but nothing that goes on for days/weeks like it used too! My weight hasn't changed much, so I know it isn't because of that!

4.      “[Incomplete people} are complicated and sensitive and messy in their reactions”. Who are the incomplete people in your life? Not sure Are these people triggers that make you want to eat? there aren't any specific people that make me feel like I should eat... There have been circumstances caused by certain people that make me feel like I should eat. Are there ways in which you might be an incomplete person in someone else’s life? I guess that's always a possibility. For others as well as yourself, are you able to look beyond the incompleteness to the hurt that may be behind the messy reactions? What do you see? I'm not finding the application of this question in my current life.

5.      Compassion for incomplete people – including ourselves – translates into acts of kindness. When you think of the incomplete people in your life, especially those who may be eating triggers, how might a compassionate act of kindness change how you feel about that person? How might it change how you feel about yourself and your own incompleteness? Its always good to turn your focus off yourself and onto others. And doing an act of kindness makes your heart feel good. I find I am more of a "negative emotional eater" that a "positive emotional eater". Fear, anger, sadness are what make me want to get out the tub of ice cream or chips more than happiness, excitement or contentment.